So Ive taken the decision to actively date, its interesting and entertaining and sometimes I meet really cool people but most of the time I am not sure if this is what others are going thru.
its difficult dating as a Disabled woman, people treat me like the “safe option” which often means they show up with their least minimum, as if to remind themselves and me that they dont really mean to be here, they just happened to think it would be cool to waste my time, this is all an assumption of course, fueled by months of experiences with different people and its both funny and ableist, ableism is only ever funny when Im laughing which is often a lot of the times, in disbelief.
I am often astounded by the lack of effort, I know we are living in the age of the bare minimum however, to expect me to be happy with just anything because “its better than nothing” seems to be the theme of the day.
Sometimes I think I am expecting too much out of people, by letting them share my space and some of my time, courtesy, maybe?
Its difficult trying to learn how to love in my 30s, im learning how to read cues late in life, I often think because I spent my formative years not knowing what safe love felt like, Im only re-educating myself now and the biggest challenge for me is trying to find out what I really want versus what I have been told I want out of a relationship of any sort, I am almost always wondering if I would be having any of these experiences if I was still able bodied and because I know that none of our experiences are the same, I dont have a point of reference, just winging it for now and hoping that I dont get harmed by my desire for companionship while trying not to die alone.
I guess Im just trying to figure out how to be fulfilled in life without feeling like I am a footnote of people’s failed desires and unmanaged insecurities, Im really trying here but I dont know if I have it in me to be the person I want to be, or if it can be done while Im with able bodied people
I specifically mention how Im Disabled and not desperate on my tinder bio and yet, I know its ableism, confirmation is always good especially because I give people so many days to prove themselves, time waits for nobody and you would think after living during a pandemic, people would be more respectful of their time and others
Comments
No posts